Relationships are a part of our lives. Sometimes, we love people that come into our lives when we least expect. Sad to say but it is the reality; it is also hard to know when and why he will leave you. his departure is always painful. It causes sleepless nights and disorientation. Sometimes it becomes hard to live without him. Our feelings make us to yearn that we can have another day with him. After such breakups we try to seek ways and modalities that we can use gain their audience. This is not easy but this does not mean that it cannot be done. It has been done before. Nonetheless, it calls for patience and utmost precision and exactitude. Miscalculation of any step in the process can cause new pain. There are several steps and tips on how to get your ex boyfriend back. You could try one after the other depending on the success of the previous step.
First: Do a Self Assessment Then Get Him Back
The most significant question that should never escape your mind is the reasons that make you want them back. Is it because you are lonely? Is it because you cannot find someone else? Is it because of pressure from your children or family?
It is because you truly love him? If the sole reason is because you love him, it is justified. At this stage, you should be absolutely honest with yourself. Additionally, you should assess the reasons that led to the breakup. If you feel that they are within your capacity to find a solution, it is then wise to give it a try.
2) Stay Away for Sometime
This is the most critical but important stage of a possible makeup. Relationship experts call it non-contact period. It is during this stage that healing from the pain that caused the breakup happens. Here, both of you will be silently assessing the possibility of a comeback. Many psychologists agree unanimously that the first goodbye does not always mean that it is over. They believe that what happens after the initial breakup determines what follows. Staying away helps both of you to think clearly and settle the frayed emotions. The period depends on the strength of the parties involved. It can vary from weeks to months or years. Healing has no a definitive period.
3)Work on Yourself
At this stage, you are sure about what your ex boyfriend wanted for a partner. Perhaps he wanted a certain level of education that you did not have but you accepted you hoping that you would further it. This is the most appropriate time to join college. This is advantageous to you because it will not only occupy your mind thus aiding in healing but also add your bargaining power. At this stage, it is important to work on your appearance so that you can become more appealing in his eyes. Remember that you are marketing yourself again.
4) Start by Saying a Simple Hi
At the start, ensure that your greetings are not laced with emotions. Try to be platonic and mature. If he replies to a text or answers your call, do not make the conversation length. Choose each and every response carefully to ensure that your intentions are not misconstrued. Show respect and utmost decorum.
Remember that the rights you had over him are limited and all you are trying is redeeming them. If his replies are harsh, that is when you give them more time. A harsh tone signifies that they are not yet healed.
5) Start Reaching out Through Trusted Allies
When doing this, you must be sure of what it is that you want. You must also be careful to ensure that your ally, who should be a common friend that you both trusted before, has the interests of you and your ex boyfriend at heart. This is a sensitive step because he can misread it for stalking. The information that you seek or give should be very limited. If it works well at this stage, it signifies that you have learnt how to get your ex boyfriend back using his close friends.
6) Invite him to your Events or attend His
At this stage, you can casually invite him to your birthday or graduation ceremony. If he is kind enough to attend, it means that his door for friendship is open. If he approaches you, perhaps to offer a congratulatory message, show appreciation but with a lot of composure. If it is his event, buy him gifts that you are sure he loved. This will arouse memories and it can influence his consideration.
7) Invite Him for a Personalized Talk
If there has been cooperation in the above stages, it is then wise to invite him for a cup of coffee like you did before. Your proposal of the location should be a restaurant. This is to ensure that there is no suspicion between both of you. The environment should be favorable for both of you and not too intimate. None of you should feel out of place.
However, if he proposes a different venue, accept his bid and show comfort. Rigidity might work against you. If he wants a friend to tag along, just allow it. During this step, seeking to know how he has been is in order.
8) Assess His Feelings towards You
Given that it is somebody that you have been with for sometimes, it is easy for you to read his attitude. This should guide you on whether you should give things more time or increase your efforts. Here you should be able to know how far he has gone into healing. If he is healed, his moods and attitude towards you should be positive.
9) Break the News
If his moods and feelings towards you are positive, you should now tell them what you think about getting back together. You should however be open minded in case the answer is not positive. You should ensure that the conversational mood is high enough to accommodate the news. If he accepts your offer embrace it and assure him that he will be safe with you. If the answer is not what you expected, you can restart the process again. If you are the cause of the breakup, apologizing is allowed. Show remorse about your actions and be genuine.
10) Plan Together
If you are allowed back into his life, show him gratitude by asking him to join you in planning how you should forge ahead as a team. Being the lady, you should allow him to take the mantle of leadership of the relationship like he did before. At this stage, you should have timeframes that will fit both of you.
11) Know When to Stop the Process
In the whole process, you should be very keen to know when to stop and perhaps restart again. The entry and exit tactics should be premeditated and well planned to ensure that they do not backfire.
Tactics of how to get your ex boyfriend back should never viewed as impossible. It depends on so many factors some of which are not within your control but what matters is how you handle them all. The whole process should be gradual and incremental. Patience and maturity is the rule of the game. The process can take years. It is however wise for you to show some degrees of conservativeness. Don’t show like you are throwing yourself to him.